9.3.19
Hello!
Sup lil one? Stupid Tuesday here with tons of meetings. My head hurts and I was too lazy to go to the gym this morning so I’m gonna go later. I really wanted to go this morning, I woke up and got out of bed and everything – but I just felt weird. It was strange.
Anyhow, September 3rd and fall is here. Easily my favorite season. Hoodies, boots, sweaters, hot coffee – everything is better. But like I said, not really ready to let summer go.
Mom and I had a big conversation last night about where we want to live. Not even so much about want, but what makes the most sense. We’re factoring in things like finances, commute, out of home expenses (car, daycare, etc) and whether or not it makes sense for mom to stay home with you or keep working. I think in my heart of hearts, I want to go with whatever option allows mom to stay at home with you. I just don’t feel comfortable handing you over to daycare when you’re 3 months old. We’ll barely know you at that point and there’s just something I don’t like about it.
Coming out of last night’s discussion, if we go with a cheaper car option, I think we can swing staying here in the NY area if mom works. If we want mom to stay home with you, I think Georgia has to be the move. There’s about $700/month in wiggle room and we want to keep saving for a house. I think realistically a house here in NY/NJ for all we would get in GA isn’t possible. We’d be giving something up to stay here but maintaining friends and family. It’s all scary and we feel like whatever we do will be wrong. HOWEVER, we also feel like whatever we do will be right because we know we’ll have each other and you with plenty of love and support to go around. I’m not joking when I say this is the hardest decision of my life. Where to go to college? Pretty easy. Marrying your mom? Easiest decision ever. But this one has impact beyond just us. It impacts us obviously from a bunch of different perspectives – social, financial, mental. It also impacts my parents and my relationship with my family. Everyone is here in NY. It impacts mom’s family too, almost her entire extended family is here. But her mom and dad will be down in GA and so will her sisters. I think I’ll do well adapting to a new lifestyle but I think it’ll be really hard on my parents. And that weighs on me. At the end of the day, we need to do what’s good for us but it’s not something I overlook. I’m also worried about mom. She doesn’t handle change well. That’s not a knock, just something we’ve both talked about. And moving to GA with a brand-new baby is a fucking CHANGE. Can’t lie kid, I’m a bit lost at the moment. Sure, I can take my salary down to GA now, but does that limit my long-term earning potential? Is $250K by 42 off the table if we move? Will we be able to buy a house and raise you with 1 or more siblings if I don’t keep earning more money? Will mom be happy at home with you every day or will she go crazy and want to work again?
Sorry I’m dumping all this on you, who knows if you’re even reading anymore lol. But I want you to know how we think about it because it also has impact on how your life is shaped. You’ll be a completely different person based on where we live. At least I think so. Who knows what the hell I know?
Going to keep hammering this one out with mom and in these letters, because it helps to put it in writing. Just remember, whatever we do, we’re doing it because we love you more than anything and we want to give you a happy, fulfilling life.
Love you big time,
Dad
