8.21.19

Hi baby Darby –

Today is hard. I’ve had to have some tough conversations at work and there’s a bit of drama around the baby shower for you on the home front. I’m not much for confrontation and I enjoy a simple life. Today is a reminder that being an adult fucking sucks sometimes. You have to do things you don’t want to do, and you have to make decisions you don’t want to make.

Things feel easier once you’ve had the conversations and aired things out but there’s still a cloud hanging. I know I’ve talked about physical health and I think I’ve touched on mental health as well, but just in case I didn’t go into it deep enough, I want you to know that it’s okay to acknowledge when you’re overwhelmed. And it’s okay to look for help. I find that talking about things is the best way to alleviate the pressure. I’ve had bouts of sadness and what I think is depression. I don’t know for sure because I’ve never been clinically diagnosed, but I can only imagine that intense sadness for days at a time paired with suicidal thoughts probably qualifies. It’s been a while since things have been that dark. I’d say the ages of 17-23 were the worst of it. But when it was bad, it was real bad. I would calculate the ways that I could end it all. I know this is dark and I know it’s probably too much, but I really think it’s important for you to know who you come from. So that if you experience anything like this, you know you’re not alone. And that it’s cool if you want to talk to me or mom about it. We’ll both always be there for you because we love you more than anything.

Love you big time,

Dad